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wedding woes

wedding woes

by jturkin on April 6, 2011

(the following was written as a stream of consciousness via 750words.com – I apologize for any grammatical errors or lack of clarity)

Allow me to express my animosity towards the American-consumerist tradition known as, “the wedding.”

Before I jump into it, allow me to explain: I’m engaged. I’m probably going to get married next February. I live in a different city than my fiancee. We are stuck with the decision of a nice wedding, or for her to move out to Los Angeles (where I live).

I am all in favor of stepping before a judge and assuring him that I am choosing to join my fiancee in marriage by choice. It’s not romantic, but it’s to the point. And it’s within our budget. My fiancee prefers a big expensive wedding, of which I disapprove.

Allow me to air some other grievances first: relatively speaking, for us to spend 15 to 20 thousand dollars on a wedding is cheap… for a wedding.
In perspective to any other day of our lives costing that much… it’s way too f-ing much! I could buy a new car for that much. I can get myself mostly out of debt for that much. I could put down a down payment on a… okay, not quite there yet.

I’ve been roped into this kind of expected swindle before. I was told, as an uninformed 18 year old (with nobody to wise me up), that I needed to go to college. I am eternally in debt because of that decision. I have, as of today, gone in debt by several thousand dollars, for a degree which has currently made me: zero dollars in return. I’ve never been given a job as a result of this college degree.

The most expensive part of the wedding is the venue/food. We can get a venue pretty cheap (again, “cheap” being a relative term). It’s the food that’s the killer. And not only that, by assigning a monetary value to each head, to each friend or relative or acquaintance, we are forced to cut certain guests out of the wedding. Why? shouldn’t they deserve to be there? Some of them, yes. My third cousin who doesn’t even know my middle name or what school I went to or what my degree is in… you’re invited. Why? Because I’m told I have to invite you. Why do I have to invite you? Because I’m told, a) it’s the right thing to do (who the hell is the judge of that?), b) I have to, or (and this is by far the best answer of all) c) we’re family. Again, what’s my degree in again?

I hate blindly following customs or traditions or rules or norms because nobody else has ever dared to challenge them. My mom is a sheep. My fiancee is a sheep. We’re all sheep who are told to spend as much money on this impersonal tradition as we can. It doesn’t matter if we go in debt. Just please throw your money back into the American economy. We need it. Desparately.

I could keep going… for hours. There’s nothing personal about a wedding. There’s very little I like about the wedding tradition. It should be about two people officially commencing the remainder of their lives together. It should be the single most romantic day of my life. It should be about me and my fiancee. About how happy we would be in a vaccuum without the rest of the world pressuring us. It should be the happiest day of my life. I get to pick the music. I get to pick where. I get to pick who’s there. With the exception of the music, I have very little pull in this wedding.

Weddings suck. I want to have a potluck. If you don’t get why, or you think it’s tacky, or it’s too much effort on your behalf – fine. You’re uninvited. Anyone else who gets it, or who appreciates that I’m making this wedding new and more intimate and not stuffy or prissy or about money or about how impressive a party I can throw… Anyone who wants to be there because of me and the bride. Anyone who wants to be there despite how irritating I am and how bratty I sound… you can come. You should be there. If you know my fiancee or myself, and you want to come join me in what should be the happiest day of my life because you want to SEE ME HAPPY or because you care about me or because you love me…

I’m getting married in Chicago on the weekend of February 18th 2011. You should be able to come.

And I’m sorry if I can’t invite you.

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

The Sheep April 12, 2011 at 4:20 pm

All valid points. (except that whole part about getting married in the past)

Have you thought about specific logistics for this potluck?

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